Providing Support

Moms exist in this world to provide many things for their children. My mom was a rock in our family that kept everyone moving on an even keel. She kept us laughing, she kept my dad "in line" and she kept me and my brother semi-sane.

Before she was our mom, she was a support to my dad in a lot of things that they did in their pre-child life. One thing in particular that she did that we always thought was pretty amazing was how she supported my dad while he was doing his PhD. They lived in Arizona in the late sixties and for a time they lived in tents and in the back of their VW Camper Van. They weren't hippies, they just lived a simple life in order to survive on a student budget. My mom worked in various jobs, one of which was at a popcorn stand on the campus of the University of Arizona while my dad was studying there. My dad always thought it was far beneath her to be working at a popcorn stand, but my mom's version of the story was that she loved that popcorn stand. She loved working so close to where my dad was taking classes so that she could see him all the time. She loved my dad more than anything and would have done anything for him. My dad has always been eternally grateful to her for her support, which she always said was just "part of the deal." She had an amazing way of making taking care of our family seem effortless.

Through her example, when it was my turn to be a supportive wife to my husband and move to another country so that he could do a PhD, I channeled my mother and was ready for my role as "supporter." While we have been living here, I have been doing a variety of jobs and working my little butt off to pay the bills and provide a nice life for us. We have tried to avoid living like poor graduate students, but in order to do that you have to work hard. I have seen my time over here both as a challenge and as something really exciting that I am incredibly lucky to get to do. My husband has felt guilt for dragging me across the ocean and for my taking jobs that are supposedly "beneath" me.

Now that our experience over here in this crazy country is coming to an end, I am feeling a mixture of feelings: excitement to go home to my country and a job that I love, and sadness for leaving new friends that have enriched my life in many ways. As the end of my husband's time here draws near, he is feeling more and more stressed by the day. It makes me think about what it must have been like for my mom when my dad was writing his dissertation and getting stressed more and more by the day. I wonder what my mom did to help my dad get through it and to ease his mind, and I hope that I can be as supportive to my husband as she was to my dad. Since my mom isn't here to tell me about her experience, I can only wonder what she would have done and how she felt at the time, and know that since she was my mother, some of that goodness hopefully rubbed off onto me.

New Babies, New Connections, New Lives

Writing this blog is not as easy as I thought it would be. I have so many days when I really feel like writing something about my mom but I just can't seem to get the words out. This has been an amazing couple of months for me because I have had some wonderful experiences that have made me think about my amazing mother and remember how lucky I am to have had her in my life.

First, my best friend Molly had her first baby girl! Then, one of my other best friends Jackie had a little boy! It was incredibly stressful for me as a friend because they had their babies two days apart (what are the chances??) and I live about 4,000 miles away from both of them, and I didn't really feel like I was "part of the process" like I would have been if I was living in the US. My mom would have been so happy, proud, amazed, and in awe of these two incredible moms for being so brave and inspiring through their birth processes, and then she would have been the first person I would have called after I got the news that the babies had been born. My friend Molly called me on the way to the hospital, and then I didn't hear from her for two days, and when I finally heard, I cried tears of relief, pride, and happiness all at the same time. My mom would have been a big part of those few days for me, listening to me worrying and telling me that everything would be okay, and then crying with me when the news came.

Next, I was in the airport traveling from England to the US to go to Advocacy Days in DC, and I was delayed several hours due to a volcanic eruption in Iceland. As everyone on our flight shuffled around the gate with looks of stress and angst, I randomly bumped into a really great guy. I instantly felt a connection with him like we were old friends reunited, which I hardly ever feel with men. He turned out to be really helpful in finding me a way to get to DC after I had missed my connecting flight, and later I connected with him on Facebook. I still don't really KNOW him, but through our brief messages on Facebook, I have found that I share a lot in common with him. A few days ago he posted a message about how much emptiness he feels from the loss of his mother. How strange that two people randomly bump into each other, so far from home, and have such a similar story. Sometimes when these weird things happen I wonder if there is a place like heaven, where two souls could come together and decide that they want their children to meet. Maybe Jay's mom and my mom were in heaven making cookies together and thought we would be good friends. Not that I believe in any of that or anything...

Now we come to this weekend, where my second-oldest friend from way back in the recesses of my childhood, is getting married. My mom and her mom were very close friends and shared a lot of their major life experiences together. I bet that Carol is thinking about my mom this weekend and feeling sad that her best friend is not there for her daughter's wedding. Carol was there at my wedding, my brother's wedding, and my mom's funeral, and was a big part of my life growing up.

I guess my life will always have these times when there are clusters of events that all really remind me of my mom, and maybe the reason for that is just to remind me one more time how lucky I was to have her for the time that I did. Maybe these moments happen to mess with my emotions, or maybe they aren't related at all and I want them to be. Either way, I have been thinking about my mom A LOT for the past two months (more than normal) and my only conclusion is that I really, really miss her. Still.