Thing One and Thing Two

People like to keep things that belonged to other people because when they hold that thing close to them, they feel closer to that person. This works whether a person is living or dead. For example, I have a ring that my friend Molly gave me when we graduated high school, and when I wear it I am always flooded with fun memories of us growing up together. It think that it is a really good thing to hold onto certain objects like that. On the other hand, if you become too attached to objects, there can be detrimental emotional effects if you lose or damage the object. I have lots of things that belonged to my mother that make me happy- all of her designer bags, some of her clothes, jewelry, and other less important things. One of my most favorite items is a bracelet that was hers and was engraved by my great grandfather, who was an engraver for the Colt revolver company. He was very talented and the bracelet is incredibly beautiful and special. I was wearing it on Sunday when I fell down a flight of stairs and landed on my wrist, crushing the bracelet. I was furious with myself for being so clumsy and for not protecting this precious item from damage, but I was able to put it into perspective because of a previous experience with being too attached to a material item.

Rewind to two years ago, only a few months after my mom had died... I had been carrying around the photo Christmas card that my mom sent out for Christmas of 2004. I put it inside my planner and looked at it about ten times every day. I love the picture that she picked- it was a family portrait from my brother's wedding the previous summer. We were all smiling and it was a great reminder of how happy we all were before ALS. The best part was what my mom wrote on the back- "What a beautiful group of people we all are!" The message was only funny if you knew my mom, but she was very tongue-in-cheek and not at all self-centered enough to say something like that seriously. One day I opened my planner to make a note and the picture was gone. I frantically searched every page, in my bag, all over the restaurant that I was sitting in, but to no avail. The picture was gone. I was devastated. I had become so used to my rituals of looking at that picture throughout the day and being happy to see my mom, and then it was gone. In true form to myself, I spent the day feeling sad and complained and even cried about it to my husband that night. It wasn't until he brought me back to reality and reminded me that I already lost my real mother once, and that crying about a photo was demonstrating a complete loss of perspective that I calmed down. I decided from that point on that I would enjoy my "mom stuff" but not worry if something happened to a "thing."

When I fell down the stairs and crushed my bracelet, I was sad for destroying something so beautiful, but I was able to separate what is a thing from what is a feeling about someone that you carry inside of you all the time. You don't need a bracelet to remind you of someone you love. You don't need a ring to remind you of being a silly teenager. People are not things. Be sentimental but do not lose perspective.